So How Have You Been?

It has been a while since I posted anything. Nothing is really all that new, except that I am being forced to fill out scholarships. I know that there are worse things to be forced into, but I really have my mind set against this. I feel that I have not done enough to be eligible for scholarships. There is just so much that I could have done that I didn't do, and now it is to late. Their argument is that even if I feel that I don't deserve them, that I can pay them back in the future. That is not the way it works though. I say this because I would be taking money away from someone much more deserving than me. Someone that could have had the chance to go to college and change their life, but I robbed them of their chance. With everyone of these scholarships that I dutifuly fill out, I am chipping off a piece of me. It's killing me! There is nothing that I can do though, seeing as I have more than half of the faculty against me. If you really want to know, I am torn. I am torn in between being me a sticking to what I believe in, and making them happy. They are my friends and three of them are my mentors. How can I let down a mentor without losing their unfounded faith in me? It seems as if my life would be so much easier if I could only learn how to keep my head done and say "Yes sir, no sir", and not draw attention to myself. But that is not the way life works is it? NO, because who could possibly want an easy LIFE. I don't apparently. I just keep opening my mouth to fight against them, and all I get from it are disappointed looks in return, and basically a dismissal. I am just so tired.