Questions

Have you ever found yourself wondering why you can't seem to get out of that rut your in? I have... I think that every day. Wake up, brush teeth, put on cloths, run for bus, meander the halls until class, sit and work, walk to next class, sit and work, etc... It never ends. The part that scares me is not the routine of it all: no, it is the fact that I feel numb while I do it. It is almost as if I were looking at my body doing these things rather than actually doing them. This scares me to death. To think that I have let myself become this--this robot for lack of better words. Sends shivers up and down my spine.

Is it possible to stops this routine? Better yet, do I want to stop it? The numbness may scare me, but it also stops me from being hurt. How many times should I have cried last term but I didn't: I couldn't. A good friend of mine was killed in a car crash: did I cry? No. My mother was even more of Bit** this last term: did I cry? No. Not even when I confessed to a dear friend of mine that I was--still am--scared of myself. Scared of what I could do when I am angry. Not even then...I think the real question is do I want all of that. Do I want to be able to feel something other than the numbness?